Being You – The Mind Matters
By Patricia Lynn Belkowitz, C.Ht., EFT-CC
You don’t have a choice. Everyone else is taken. You need to be you. But, what does that mean? To be authentically you, you need to be true to your own personality, spirit, or character. You need to be sincere in your words and actions. I think it means to be loving and accepting towards yourself as you discover who you are. Carl Jung says, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
By definition, Humanistic psychologists would say that authentic people are psychologically mature and fully functioning as human beings. When you are being you, you have a realistic perception of yourself and your place in the world. You are thoughtful and accepting of others as well as yourself. When you are being authentic, you are able to freely express your emotions. The real you understands what motivates you. You are able to laugh at yourself and learn from your mistakes. You understand what you want and what you don’t want.
When you’re not being you, you suffer. Your body suffers. Listen to your body. When you lie to yourself or others, your body may suffer from a churning stomach. You may notice a sore throat or a cough as you speak words that are not true for you. Also notice this…what is true tends to make you feel stronger.
Lying is never being you. Pretending, people-pleasing and performing are not okay. When you lie, you suffer. Your integrity suffers. Your authenticity suffers. Don’t lie. Most importantly, don’t lie to yourself. Accept the ugly bits of yourself. Accept your emotions, including the difficult ones. Emotions are there to help you in the moment. Process them and move on. Don’t hide from yourself. If you don’t recognize and accept your flaws, how can you possibly grow?
Being you is not about being perfect. It’s not about being the ideal version of yourself. We are all in a state of learning and growth. If you’re still alive and breathing, you’re still learning how to be you. You’re not done yet. Remember, learning is often messy. We make mistakes. We do things wrong. When you reject parts of yourself, you’re hiding from you. You’re not being real.
When you are authentically you, you are capable of anything. You will find that you have within you everything you need to create the life you want. The life that is unique to you. You stay in your own truth; you focus on your own business.
Byron Katie teaches that there are only three kinds of business: Mine, Yours, and God’s. She writes:
“Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business…
Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own…To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I know what’s right for me? That is my only business.”
Being you has nothing to do with anyone else. You are the only one responsible for you. If you’re trading your own authenticity, you may suffer. You may experience anxiety or depression. You may know addiction or anorexia. When you are not being you because you don’t feel that it’s safe to be authentic, you may suffer from resentment, blame or even rage. When you trade your authenticity to please others, you will know grief.
Begin now. Recognize your truth. Speak it. Live it. Be you. Know that you are the only one there is. So you are the only one that knows how to do it. You know it in your heart.
Patricia Lynn Belkowitz teaches life-changing tools to achieve self-mastery. She is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and a Shaman. For more about her practice, visit www.TheMindMatters.com.