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Chris Frost
Thursday, September 10, 2020

By Chris Frost



Oxnard-- So, the National Weather service missed its recent forecast, and in my opinion, that's a good thing. They warned us about excessive heat this weekend. The city even opened up a couple of cooling centers so people could escape the heat.


I decided to get up and check out the cooling centers on Saturday and Sunday, and guess what? Nobody was there on Saturday, and only one man was there on Sunday. I'm not complaining, and I don't wish oppressive heat on anyone.


Honestly, if you want to experience oppressive heat, take a trip to central New Jersey or Long Island, New York, in August. On far too many occasions, I would call my father and tell him about 100-degree temperatures with 96 percent humidity during the day. That would make my father laugh hard, very hard, because he was a Long Island native and knew exactly what I was going through. With the last name of Frost, there is always a chance that I will start to melt and leave puddles all over the place. That may sound stupid, but my clothes were soaked in sweat at the end of the day back then.


Of course, we had no air conditioning on the east coast, so we would try and make the best of a bad situation by opening the windows and getting cross-ventilation going through the house. We had many fans, which made the inside of the house feel like a convection oven.


The J-Train used to take cold showers, and when she got out, she would feel all steamy and jump back into the shower. Nighttime was better, as the temperature would dip into the 80-degree range. Back then, one good trick was to get a medicated body powder with menthol, rub it on myself, and then sit in front of the fan. That works, and it still does. One bonus tip is to keep your dog and cat off your lap. They generate a lot of heat.


When I was young, my mother would take us all to the beach or pool at Jones Beach, and we would cool off there. If you didn't have sandals, you'd run straight to the water to cool your feet off because the sand was always blazing hot.


Well, those days are over; everything is still canceled because of Covid-19 and the J-Train, and I are sitting around in the house. I know plenty of events got canceled, but if you can mask up and stuff yourself into a Walmart with a huge crowd, why can't you have the events and require masks? I don't understand.


My first mistake at home is always to try and interject humor into the day. For example, when she kisses me, I shouldn't have told her that I needed purell on my lips. When the J-Train complains that dinner the other night was overcooked, which it wasn't, just go along with the feedback. Don't remind her that the kids would throw her dinner in the trash back in Jersey and eat Hot Pockets.


It's also a bad idea to place a can of cold soda in her lap when she complains about the heat and changing the temperature to super cold in the shower while she isn't looking. 


I am getting my haircut this week, which is great news. I look like Cousin It from the Addams family. 


Will I keep moving forward? Of course, I will, no sweat, well with some sweat.