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Chris Frost
Thursday, July 15, 2021

By Chris Frost

Tri County Sentry

Oxnard-- You know, I get a little tired every now and then. I spend each week reporting in detail about what really happens in city government, so everyone knows what's going on, despite all the haters who make up nonsense to feel relevant.


When I get tired, I go home for a little me time with the J-Train and have some married time.


Sometimes we have to help each other, you know. When the J-Train told me she was going to grow stuff for salads in the yard, I offered to help. The first thing I did was stop her from planting an empty bottle of ranch dressing in the yard. It's widely acknowledged that she has a brown thumb. It's true; she kills plants, flowers, grass, vegetables, hopes, dreams, good moods, and more. 


So my official day off started Thursday night, and I thought it would be nice if she and I watched a movie together and talked. The J-Train often complains that we never sit around and talk because I am always working, so I thought this would be something she would enjoy.


So, we're sitting there, the movie "Superstar" is playing in the background, and she was playing video games on her tablet. I asked her if she could stop playing her game so we can talk, and she informed me that she could do both.


Okay, so I asked her why she doesn't feel like she has a video game addiction. Guys, if you ever want to start a fight with your wife, this is a wonderful way to accomplish this goal and be called an S.O.B. a lot.


Okay, with all that said, my attention drifted back to "Superstar," and I asked the J-Train if she ever does anything that the character Mary Catherine does in the movie. 


I asked her if she ever licks a tree and breathes heavily, and she told me to shut up. When Mary Catherine started dancing around, I noticed that she was wearing white underpants and a short skirt. I asked the J-Train how many pairs of white underpants she owned and if it's a hard-and-fast rule about the color of the underpants. It seems to me that someone could be wearing any pair of underpants with a short skirt and still be able to dance around like Mary Catherine. 


Well, the J-Train got up, told me she was going to bed, and I was alone, except for Daisy, Buddy, and Ziggy. I wandered upstairs and offered to keep talking, and I ended up back on the couch downstairs after more swearing. 


I ask questions; that's my thing. I don't consider it aggressive, so I guess we are different. The J-Train had an issue with her social security card, and for some reason, when she changed her last name to Frost and got her card reissued, they got her birthday wrong. When she called about the error, they sent her a boatload of paperwork to fill out and get notarized.


She called them back and asked the representative why she has to fill out a ton of paperwork because they made a mistake, and this person refused to answer the question. The J-Train let it go.


I decided this was a great opportunity to talk again. My first question was why she wouldn't press a question about a mistake the government made with her social security card, especially one that makes her older but at home with me; she fights like it's WrestleMania, and she becomes the Ultimate Warrior fighting in a cage match?


Okay, so she gets sick of talking to me. I get it; in fact, sometimes, when I am talking to myself, I’ll look in the mirror and say, don't you ever shut up? I'm going back to work tomorrow, and that makes the J-Train happy.