By Chris Frost
Oxnard-- Okay, I don't know all of you, but I must not have been looking while I got this old.
We're coming up on Father's Day, and my children tell me that I may not be older than dirt, but the dirt was still under warranty when I was born.
My children are scattered across the globe, as I have written before, but we are always connected.
For example, we'll never agree on musical tastes, although my youngest, Colin, does appreciate music from my youth. I have said on more than one occasion that my parents, Ward and Dolores Frost, created rap music as part of a giant plot to get even with me for Led Zepplin, Foghat, Aerosmith, Tommy Bolin, and many others.
As a bonus, Colin decided that he needed something called a "beatbox" to create music. Maybe if he bought a guitar, piano, and to a less extent, drums or a tuba, I could get with the plan. But a box that plays insipid tones, well, no. I can't get with the program.
Colin is married to a wonderful young lady named Jaze, and when he gets back from the middle east, the two plan to start a family. Now with that said, one of the things Colin worries about is advice I give when it comes to being a parent.
Most of you who read my editorial or speak to me in person, know that I tend to be a bit goofy. With that said, it's a bad idea to tell your daughter in law to act quickly if the baby decides to peel off a diaper if he or she is in the middle of the family room floor with a house full of company. It's also a bad idea to not be too close when this new baby when you tell the little one to "just eat" something like veggies. As a domestic tip, presoaking a shirt covered in spinach is a great idea. It's also a bad idea to have the new child use logic and spill a 25-pound bag of dog food on the kitchen floor so the dog can eat whenever he wants. It's a bad idea to tell your daughter-in-law to have a steam cleaner handy when this happens. According to Colin, this is something that I am not supposed to share. Farting contests at the dinner table is a bad idea and sets a bad example. It's also not funny if Jaze turns to Colin and says, don't you ever do that!
Travis is a different kettle of fish. Evidently, when I meet his friends and share my thoughts and feelings about life, it's my fault when people look at each other and say, that explains a lot.
After I got divorced from my first wife and started dating, I shouldn't have told Travis exactly why I left whoever, my girlfriend was. Case and point, when Travis broke up with his last girlfriend, he told her sorry, but you are too stupid for me to tolerate. His friends call him mini-me.
He tells me that he doesn't want kids, but at the same time, he has a house full of cats and dogs that he's rescued. What I do get to meet one of his dates, it's not a good idea to share his nickname as a scout, "Mother," and his favorite cartoon character growing up was "Tender Heart" bear from the carebears.
If he does get married, I can't wait to tell his wife that when Travis was 10, he said to me that sex was too much trouble, and he planned to stay a virgin. He lives in Colorado and tells me that I cast a large shadow when I walk into a room.
Here's the advice, kids are impressionable.
Somehow, my kids turned out great. Mini-me is an Emergency Medical Technician and saves lives, and Colin is a Sergeant in the Air Force and proudly serves his country. We stuck together through the good and bad times, and no matter what, we have each other's backs.
So, this is nothing much. It's just the ramblings of an old dad who is still willing to trade everything to see his kids smile.
There's a lot more I can write, but I am old, and they can take me in a fight.
Happy Father's Day, dads. Be the inspiration.